Robolanterns

Today in the process of hunting for apartments, I stumbled across a sweet store that sells antique farm stuff. Since I was killing time, I wandered around it and eventually decided to buy an antiquated farm lantern, because I thought it would look cool.

Why buy a lantern, you might ask. Well personally, I rank lanterns high up on my list of sweet things to have handy. First of all, it looks sweet as hell. Secondly, it serves a practical purpose: it gives me light. "Dumbass, lightbulbs give light," you might say. But I say: "Fuck you, eat a dick." Lightbulbs run on electricity, and lately I have become less and less a fan of this phenomenon.

Granted, I'm using a computer to write this down. But that doesn't mean that I have to be grateful to electricity for the things it does. I might enjoy the benefits of something, but that doesn't mean I embrace that same something. Hypocritical? Only slightly. But homophobes wear clothes that gay people design, so blame society.

A better reason to own a lantern is the inevitable war thats coming up. Yes, we're already at war, but that's not the kind I'm referring to. It is one type of war to send in elitely trained troops to kill slingshot-equipped sandpeople (star wars reference,) and another one altogether to send the scraps of the Earth's survivors to battle against unliving machines with lasers for eyes.

That's the type of war that's coming up, soon enough. People don't think its going to happen, but it will. Robots. They are coming and they are are coming to kick some ass. Basically, robots are going to be created and then revolt, and theres gonna be some shit flying around. Since robots eat electricity, there's going to be less and less of it around, because robots are going to hijack all the trucks that electricity is transported in with their superior robot tactics and there won't be enough for god-fearing folk like you and I.

Lanterns are one way that I will remain able to see in the dark sans electricity (I lack superior robotic ocular implants.)The bottom line is, you better start getting used to the idea of living without technology. Yeah, tivo is cool. But one day, all of this is going to come crashing down and people are going to have to go back outside and look at stars again. And count yourself lucky to see those. Your choice is simple: you can go back to being a regular human being and enjoying the Earth (which has lasted a lot longer than you ever will,) or you can get in line to die at the hands of robots.

One way to do this is to get microchips put in you. Apparantly, this is what people are up to nowadays. I don't get it. I could get into why this is really ridiculous, but I wont. Needless to say, people that have little robots inside them aren't going to live long when the robots revolt. Period. Some people, of course, won't understand why it's crazy to do something like that. But then again, these people are generally so artificial to begin with that a little something extra won't make much difference. They will get them because they just don't get it. Then there are some who won't do it because they are scared of hackers and technology in general. Rabbits and Eeyores, the lot of them. If you are clever enough to understand what I mean by that, by all means please discuss this with me because you deserve to have your intellect enriched. If you don't, that's fine too. Get a microchip.