Mohatme? Mohatyou!

Fuck Ghandi. Let me tell you something about Ghandi: He was a little bitch.

You think he was such a revolutionary, campaining for great stuff like equality and whatnot? Think again. Ghandi gets all this praise for being Mr. Clever no-pants for peaceful resistance, but thats bullshit. All Ghandi did was get thrown in jail and start reading. All his really innovative thoughts on passive resistance? Robbed. From who? Ever heard of Jesus?

"You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you, Do not resist one who is evil. But if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; and if any one would sue you and take your coat, let him have your cloak as well; and if any one forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles." - Jesus, some 1900 years before Mohatmas ever clawed his way out of Mrs. Ghandi's well-stretched fish taco casserole.

Henry David Thoreau even wrote a book called 'Civil Disobedience', in which he wrote down basically everything that came out of Ghandi's mouth during his little campaigns. Wow, I'd love to just quote Jesus and Aristotle all day and get an nobel prize! I can be just like Ghandi!

Nothing Ghandi did was impressive. He staged riots in which thousands of Indians were killed. Non-violent my ass! He broke shitloads of laws while leading people around, and acted shocked when he caught shit for it. And all the British ever did was throw him in jail. He spent a little under 8 years in jail. You can get 7 years in New Hampshire for possessing an ounce of weed! Fuck Ghandi, I dont see any legal dope around here, and people have been non-violently resisting those laws for decades.

Ghandi stole ideas from philosophers, salt from mother ocean, and time from the British. Then he has the balls to declare his movement a success. Thank Ghandi the British left India? No, thank Hitler for starting WWII. The British had better shit to do than argue with a shriveled up naked 80 year old dropping JC's quotes around Calcutta like they were fresh.

When he wasnt pulling his kebab in his prison cell, or breaking ALL the rules (Ghandis Gone Wild is available on DVD & VHS) Ghandi was a total douchebag. Ghandi disowned his son, because his son had the audacity to GET MARRIED!

"How can I, who has always advocated renunciation of sex, encourage you to gratify it?"
- Ghandi

God damn, its a good thing his son wasn't gay. Ghandi would have castrated him. Ever wonder why Ghandi REALLY never fought anyone? Because he was like 4 feet tall. Maybe he was in actuality slightly larger, but not much, and that doesnt even matter. Ghandi was a midget, and didnt stand a chance against anyone. Thats why he had to use his words, or rather the words of others, because he wasnt very clever. In the meantime, Ghandi helped make a pussy out of every Indian he could get his hands on. Ever play Prince of Persia? Thats what India was like before Ghandi.

Get off your knees, history. Ghandi's too frail for marathon head.